Oh, Steven. I know it’s your thing, this aesthetic — I do.
But you look like a lost member of St. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band, who went on walkabout 40 years ago and just got spat out by a sandstorm in the Sahara after having spoken to nobody in decades but a sympathetic rug merchant and a cactus named Fran. I think I can smell those pants through my computer. I wonder if we’ll watch a lot of auditions from Idol hopefuls this year (that’s where he’s supposedly headed) that are extra-astonishingly nasal, because they’re trying to sing without breathing through their noses. STEVEN. You can be Steven Tyler without looking like a wilted flower child. I do believe this.
Also:
I wonder if there will be a lot of Idol hopefuls auditioning with an extra-astonishingly terrified expression on their faces, because Steven Tyler is packing a pocketknife and MAY be sporting the incisors of the last few singers to disappoint him. Or maybe sometimes he just has to cut himself out of his pants. Either way it seems like a bad idea. I hope J.Lo confiscated it on-camera. “ADIOS, LOVER,” she would say, flipping it open and hurling it with eerie precision at the door.
[Photos: Pacific Coast News]
Comments (50):
Ewww.
If that last part with J.Lo happened in RL and was aired, I would *so* tune in to the next season of Idol.
Me too! I really really want to see that now. I mean, not just in my mind’s eye.
ME THREE. Imagine if Katniss Everdeen were a knife fighter and crossed with J.Lo. It would be the telenovela of the millennium.
I wouldn’t just tune in to that telenovela (which would, of course, be titled “ADIOS, LOVERS”), I would *pay* to watch it every week.
I totally dig that jacket.
Me too.
His plastic face frightens me more than the pocket knife and rejected Idol teeth.
I’d do him from the waist up. If he put on normal jeans, I’d do him all over. But in those particular jeans and embellishments, no. The leather gun-holster-whatever hip detail kind of looked like his leathery old skin showing. Being a Scouter, the knife and teeth don’t bother me, but there is, yes, a raccoon tail hanging down from under his (excellent) jacket. It completes the Eau de Roadkill.
That is one seriously overdressed zombie.
Zing!
I feel the need for a shower…..
This just screams Taxidermy Fashion………everything on him and HIM has been skinned and preserved.
And, are those hip panels crocodile or alligator?
I kinda love it. I know it’s ridiculous, but so is he. Just like SWINTON should always be SWINTON, so should Steven Tyler show up just like this. I will say that I truly hate the snakeskin boots and the fang accessories.
The jacket is amazing.
“A sympathetic rug merchant and a cactus named Fran”.
i MEANT to add- WHERE do you come up with such brilliant nuggets..that made my day
God, you make me laugh. We should have cocktails.
I want to hear more about J.Lo and her skills with throwing a pocketknife…….
vandalfan, I love Steven and would do him too. But it would take a shower, dim lighting and a decent amount of alcohol.
I like his look better when it’s a little more hippy, flowy and colorful.
And I have all my shots!
This is a massive WTF!
Is it terrible that the first question to cross my mind was, “I wonder who made those pants and how many thousands they cost to look that awful?” Because you KNOW Steven didn’t just go out like in the old days and buy some rags at the local thrift and patch them together himself. I think that’s the real horror of this image.
This: “I think I can smell those pants through my computer.”
Yes.
He always looks fantastic to me.
The jacket is awesome in a Civil War reenactor way. But, Lordy he does look like the little lurching dudes in my Plants vs. Zombies game.
Ha. First I misspelled this PANTS vs. Zombies. Will his pants come back alive and attack him? That would be a cool game.
Deee, my 13 year-old son is reading over my shoulder (I had to show him those pants) and your comment TOTALLY made him LOL.
I really want to play Pants vs. Zombies
I think this is meant to suggest that he was mauled by a bear, then he killed the bear with the pocketknife and used the bear’s hide and teeth to patch his jeans back together before strolling back to LA for a peppermint mocha latte. Very bad ass.
Instead he just looks disheveled.
He’s 63 – so I agree with “walkabout 40 years ago”. All I can think is that the guy needs to grow up (and I also used to think he looked fantastic).
Why has he got Michael Jackson’s nose?
Exactly! Even his skin colour looks similar.
Remind me to thank my parents for being normal. And to send a sympathy letter to poor Liv.
I wasn’t a fan of his until American Idol. His look often reminds me of Adina from Absolutely Fabulous.
Edina. (as in Edwina, thus Eddie.)
Just FYI: You don’t get an extra-nasal voice from trying to sing WITHOUT breathing through your nose. You get an extra-nasal voice from singing/talking MORE through your nose than through your mouth. When you avoid breathing through your nose, you get a DEnasalized voice.
Just sayin’…
With those shades on he looks like Michael Jackson.
HOLD THE PHONE! The teeth he’s sporting on his trousers must be the ones he lost/broke whilst “in the shower.”
“look like a lost member of St. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band, who went on walkabout 40 years ago and just got spat out by a sandstorm in the Sahara after having spoken to nobody in decades”
i propose a toast to the writer!
Brilliant! ANd he’s STILL walkabout!
he looks like a badass gelfling
Of the many, many weird features on those pants I’ve got to say the weirdest is the fly that laces up with a leather lariat tied in a bow.
hey, those were all the rage around 1970, and yes I had a pair. I’ve moved on however.
Am I SO WRONG for thinking he’s totally irresistible? Even though once in a while on Idol I’m like Steven, ENOUGH ALREADY, I still find myself giggling away and loving the crazy he’s delivering. Basically, when he & Aubrey Plaza were on a talk show together (Conan? Maybe? Anyone?) and when asked if they’d met she said in her dead-pan Aubrey way “only in my dreams” and what ensued completely convinced me that they totally got it on later, and the only thing I wanted to say to her was congratulations. Seriously. Well done.
Weaponized trousers ! Lucky for Steven, he can afford to fly private.
Dearest Heather and Jessica,
Please don’t feature Steven Tyler again. At least not without a warning label.
Love,
NYCGirl’s eyes
sorry, i dig the look. but i’m an old wilted flower-child myself…lol
My God, I just want to feed him sandwiches!!! He’s a bald head and white face make-up away from being Jack Skellington from Nightmare Before Christmas.
i was totally unaware that Sgt. Pepper had achieved sainthood!
At least he isnt dressed like one of the Golden Girls like he was all last season.
I get so embarrassed for him. he is just pathetic now.