“I know. Trust me, I know.”

“But, see, Halloween is coming up, so maybe I’m just in costume as Kristen Stewart, because… you know, she wears stuff that looks like a demented gift bag that Edward made out of stuff in the Cullen basement, because vampires don’t sleep and every other non-sleeping vampire in his house was having wicked sex with a vampire soulmate and so all he had left was scrapbooking and reading Martha Stewart Living. … No? You don’t believe me? Fine. Let’s just let the moment pass and never speak of it again.”