“YO, DO NOT INTERRUPT ME, I AM HAVING A BEAUTIFUL DARK TWISTED FANTASY.
“IT STARTS WITH THIS BLOUSE AND THEN IN MIAMI I BUY A HOUSE AND THEN DOROTHY ZBORNAK DITCHES HER SPOUSE AND SHE AND SOPHIA MOVE IN AND THEY JOUST, AND THEN IN COMES BETTY WHITE WITH ALL HER ST. OLAF MIGHT AND I GIVE HER THIS SHIRT BECAUSE ON HER IT LOOKS TIIIIIGHT AND AND WE SIT UNDER THE KITCHEN LIGHT AND EAT CHEESECAKE AND FIGHT, DAMN, THAT SHIT WILL BE A MOTHERF’ING DELIGHT. AND I’M BLANCHE, OBVIOUSLY, IN THIS SCENARIO.”
[PHOTO: GETTY]
Comments (70):
It does totally look like something Rose would wear! WTF was he thinking?
HEATHER! Thank you.
Oh my holy crap! That is sooo bedazzled. As my mother told me, “you can pull off bedazzled if you are under 12 or over 60.” Clearly, she should have added “and a chick” because golly, that’s just the least masculine look outside lace.
I was thinking, the Star Trek episode where they all Bedazzled –
does it also have a side waist zip? Mayhap to cover his not so masculine fanny pack? unless his kid made it for him, there is absolutely no excuse.
God I just noticed the side zip. And there are applique stars. And is he wearing two watches? Or one watch and a bangle?
I think it really needs shoulder pads.
I don’t think I even own any tops that are as much of a BLOUSE as this is.
Christmas Grandma sweater??
Thank you! That was brilliant! This might be my favorite post ever.
HA! Yes, this may be a Theo Huxtable cast off.
He looks like he lost a bet.
He looks like a snow fairy.
What’s next? A sweatshirt with a kitten?
I would be so happy if Kanye West all of a sudden started showing up places wearing knit sweaters with pictures of various animals on them. Possibly with glitter? Someone make this happen, clearly this is just the tip of the iceberg.
Kinder, Gentler Kanye?
I don’t mean to go there with comments about someone’s face, but the expression coupled with the white sweater and black pants make him look like a boston terrier. Sit, Kanye.
OMG, I thought this post could not get any better, and then I read your comment.
OMG, I was trying to get a fix on his expression. Pooping? Jelly bean overdose? Entranced by something shiny?
But yes. Boston Terrier!
It’s pensive Kanye. He’s thinking about how to upstage the models on the catwalk.
Thank you for filling the Kanye West/Golden Girls shaped hole that was in my heart. Never thought my two most spangled loves would ever crossover & it’s better than I could have imagined.
Heather, you are goddamned awesome. The End.
This post makes me so happy.
I am crying with laughter here. And about to go and see if there’s any cheesecake left in the fridge…
WAHAHAHAHAH! HAHAHA! So funny.
*STANDING OVATION* Bravo, Heather!!! I know so many women who would wear that shirt… It is awesome! It even has a zipper on the side for adjusting after you’ve had a sammitch & a milkshake!
BEST POST EVER. HEATHER WINS THE ENTIRE INTERNET.
Yay, Heather. Brilliantly hilarious !
all hail Heather. that was delicious. a fitting appetizer to the feast of fug madness.
YES. Just YES. To your rapping skills, not to Kanye’s top.
Just a doggone second…He is Maude. No questions.
I feel like he would see himself as the charismatic lover, and Jay Z would be Maude.
This is exactly why i keep coming back to this site! I love you.
Yes, Sara. Indeed! Whole lotta love!
He ain’t nothin’ but a Gold(den Girl)digger…
Fantastic! Heather, your Kanye raps are always amazing, but this one is perfect. For some reason, I especially love the last line. Hee!
Hilarious!
I goddamn love you.
Aw, his kindergarden class got to go to fashion week.
one twee little gay fella
Heather, this post made the world a better place.
Oh, Kanye. You went full Zbornak.
You never go full Zbornak.
Actually, I take that back. Bea would have had that thing burned before she put it over her shoulders. I daresay that thing is more Zbornak than Dorothy Zbornak herself.
(This is also the most glorious Yeezy post ever, between the freestyle and the observation that Mr. West bears more than a passing resemblance to something else that is constantly yappy for no discernible reason.)
He looks like he won Honourable Mention at Bedazzler Convention in Orlando, Florida.
lol at Kanye and his super serious ‘fashion face’.
With knobs on!
This is the best rap ever!
Mariah Carey despite of her age, she is stillfashionable and beautiful.
Haha!!! did you see his heels that went on sale for just a measly $5000.00!!!! Sounds reasonable! Lol
Yes, I did see them, and they would go VERY well with this BeDazzled mess, if you know what I mean. Except that Blanche wouldn’t even wear them as high heeled slippers, they’re so fugly.
Also: CLAP CLAP CLAPPITY CLAP for Heather’s GG rap!!! *rotfl*
Great example of high fashion (Givenchy) not working outside the runway.
I swear, before I even read your narrative, Heather, my first thought was “Nice blouse, Kanye.” I think it’s the slightly puffed shoulders that just make it for me.
And you just know the Golden Girls would make mincemeat of Kanye.
Forgot to say, my second thought was, is Kanye raiding Taylor Swift’s closet?
Maybe he’s sad ’cause Amber Rose is engaged to somebody else? So he tried to cheer himself up with a glue gun and lots of beads?
On this episode of “What Not to Wear”, Stacy & Clinton explain to Kanye West that no matter how baller he thinks it is, Charter Club is not a mens’ line of clothing.
This just in: Jay Z has cancelled the remaining “Watch The Throne” tour dates, until this issue can be resolved.
Have you seen what Kanye was wearing during the Throne tour? This is the toned-down version. Both outfits featured a ring of stars around the yoke.
AND I’M BLANCHE, OBVIOUSLY, IN THIS SCENARIO.
This maybe my favorite GFY post ever. Brilliant.
HOW ARE YOU GUYS SO AWESOME.
I am in awe, really. Kanye + Golden Girls, blended effortlessly.
I will be that guy. I kind of love it. I would totally love it if the stars were black instead of baby blue because if they were, I would wear this tomorrow. Not to run errands but to Kanye-approved events like fashion shows and champagne launch parties.
A killer Kanye rap post + ‘Ye in his third-grade Christmas Pageant costume = an awesome start to my day
The last person in the world I would expect to see embracing their inner queer.
My mother in law bedazzled that white sweatshirt and gave it to me twenty years ago though w/o the bigger white stars – nice addition, Kanye.
That post was amazing, Heather. I love you so. To be real, that top looks like something sold by Quacker Factory. Yes, I watch QVC. DON’T JUDGE ME.
I LOVE watching Quacker Factory. The clothes are so unintentionally hilarious. It might be the best show on TV.
If someone embroiders that post, frames it and puts it on Etsy, I will buy it.
I just bookmarked this page so I can come back to it again and again. It makes me so happy. Thank you Heather and all of Fug Nation for making me laugh my arse off today.
KANYE KAPS: Yep, still funny!
It’s obviously been too busy at work or otherwise I would have never missed this bit of fug hilarity. Did he steal that top from a drill team in Texas?
I missed Faux-Kanye! (Real Kanye, however, can go away.)
With his shirt Kanye’s just reminding us that he is a star that shines. LOL. And, I actually kind of like the shirt.
LOL your rap is on point. Natch!
Kanye is obviously ~from the year 2000~ !