Martha, Martha, MARTHA.
If, and only if, this ballet you’re seeing is about the time Dorothy Zbornak took a South Beach spin class taught by Charo, then I accept you wearing gold lame dance pants. AND if this ballet you’re seeing is about the time Dorothy Zbornak took a South Beach spin class taught by Charo, and you didn’t send me tickets, I will NEVER do any scrapbooking ever again and what’s more A CRAFTING TABLE WILL NEVER ENTER THIS HOUSE. OH YES, YOU HEARD ME.
Just in case you were wondering whether the dress code for this event was Jazzerthighs:
The answer is emphatically no. Also, this is tremendous. She looks like a tree topper on steroids, and I mean that in the most complimentary way possible.
It’s really uninspiring when she slings the cape to one side and reveals the drippy mish-mash that looks kind of like a blood stain you’d see on a poster for a Lifetime movie about muuuuuurder. But just knowing that cape exists is going to get me through the rest of this Friday… so that I can start writing a ballet about the time Dorothy Zbornak took a South Beach spin class taught by Charo. Strap on your caftan and get the cheesecake out of the fridge, Fug Nation.
[Photos: Getty]
