We are so stoked about this giveaway. As we mentioned in our 10,000th post, Heather and I have a new book coming out (so if you’ve been meaning to pick up the first one, Spoiled, now is a good time). The great Mindy Kaling blurbed it, and everything. We are excited:
It’s called Messy, it’s a follow-up to Spoiled (with all the usual suspects present and accounted for — Brooke, Molly, Teddy, and, obviously, Brick Berlin, given that he’s never met a sequel in which he didn’t feel the need to star), and it comes out June 5th, 2012, just in time for y’all to read it by the pool accompanied by a be-umbrellaed beverage. What is it about? Let’s take a squizz at the back cover:
Now that Brooke’s caught a taste of fame and her movie star father’s attention, she wants to launch a blog that will position her as the ultimate Hollywood insider. But between schoolwork, party-planning committee meetings, and spa treatments, she hardly has the time to write it herself…Enter Max McCormack, an aspiring author with a terrible after-school job pushing faux meat on the macrobiotic masses of La-La Land. Max reluctantly agrees to play Brooke’s ghost-blogger for an impressive salary, and the site takes off, but how long can their lie last? In person, Brooke can’t live up to the intellectual wit of openbrooke.com, and Max soon begins to resent hiding her genius behind a bandage dress-wearing blonde. Can the girls work together to stay on top, or will the truth come out and ruin everything they’ve built?
THE RULES: All entries must be posted in the comments of this post by 9 p.m. Pacific time on THURSDAY NIGHT. This contest is open to ALL READERS. If I have to mail this thing to Siberia, I will.
THE PRIZE: I just told you, dude. An ARC of Messy. Autographed and everything!
Comments (195):
Marilyn Monroe was a star known for being
Exotic, beautiful and
Sexy; but the truth of her life was
Sad and tragic. Norma Jean was too
Young to go.
My first acrostic and my first time entering one of these contests! I loved “Spoiled” and I love you guys!
Mischa
Emits
Sartorial
Sadness,
You know?
Middleton
Evades
Scrutiny;
Secrets
ahoY?
Yeah this is hard. But I cannot wait to read this book. Can one enter/post multiple times?
And my acrostic is not even true. Now that’s sad.
You can enter as many times as you like!
Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen wear so many clothes.
Each day’s layers contain enough clothes to stock a small boutique; it’s a
Shame that nothing fits properly.
Stars in their childhood, long ago.
Yet now, merely walking clothing racks.
Madre Mia! This chica cannot be single
Especially around dancers, young and nimble
So lovers, now come and behold as
She showers the random boy with toys
You said wedding date come next fall?
Matthew McConaughey
Everyone loves you, but you’re
Sometimes
Smelly
You know it’s true
i just snorted.
not sure if you will win but that made my day
Aw! Thank you!
Miss Jennifer A once had it all
Enter a siren, big lipped and tall
She seduced Jen’s hubby, and he soon split
String of men followed – none a good fit
You’d never guess our “Friend” would so easily fall!
My heart goes out to the daughter of Paul
Every sartorially confused Brit’s one-time
Stylist,
Stella M.
You can’t even dress yourself!
Methinks that Katie Cruise -
Especially due to the craziness that is
Scientology – has a
Severely messy life.
You’ve seen her overalls, right?
Miley’s
Entire
Style
Says
“Yikes.”
Simple and awesome.
Mr. Heterosexual Male movie goer who
Encourages his schtick, please
Stop seeing Adam Sandler movies
So oblivion can befall this no talent prick.
Yes, his Neanderthal leanings make me sick.
I 2nd this plea. Please, please, people, for the love of all that is good, STOP Adam Sandler.
My favorites of the
Eighties,
Soliel Moon Frye and
Scott Baio
Yes, I said Scott Baio.
“Scott Baio ruins everything.”
Miss Kim K’s marriage
Ended.
So sad & covered in flour
Society wonders,
Yeezy?
oh lord, this is brilliant.
Love it. Simple and brilliant!
This is an acrostic work of art.
I vote for this. Amazing.
Making so many “Client Lists,”
Ex-boyfriends, and bad advice books
Scarred J. Lo Hew, once so dazzling.
She wraps her mess up in bandage dress–
Yikes, watch out for vagazzling.
LOL, vagazzling.
LOVE yours!!!
This one made me giggle. So true, too.
Mischa, my dear
Even though you were best friends for years
Summer alone can’t pull you out of the fashion muck, lo she wore
Shorts of the formal variety, wading into the fore.
Your rescue was too much for one woman.
Messes abound in Posh’s wardrobe
Even though you’d nary suspect this atrocity
She’s terribly busy with Brooklyn, Romeo, Cruz and Harper, you know
She may even harbor refugees off the rack, but
You’ll never know for sure
Madness abounds in the Cruise abode because
Everything is WRONG, WRONG! If
Suri could only unleash her inner firestarter, then those
Sickening fashions could burn like her Book. Holmes and
Yang? You’re going down.
Maverick needs a life coach
Essentially… he’s gone bonkers
Scientology?
Sofa jumping?
Yikes, Joey, run away!
*insert image of Dawson crying here*
This made my day!!
Macaulay Culkin, child talent
Ever typecast, remains silent.
Shuns more blockbusters, is this bliss?
Saved!, Kings, Mila Kunis,
Young star’s career, can it be saved?
Musical queen Hudgens
Emerged with the fug crown.
She fought off real monsters, with her lacy pants brown.
So come greet your kingdom, please don’t be shy, but
You must change your pants, or Fug Nation will cry.
man-servant
eating
succulent
strawberries –
yummy!
Mop-top of tightly cropped corn-silk
Endearing tom-boy aesthetic that is
So adorably five
Shiloh, I am incredibly jealous of
Your wardrobe and your life
My fair lady Kim K
Earns more in a minute than I can
Spend in a day.
Shame on consumers for buying her bloomers,
You must ignore her if you want her to go away.
My mother would recount this one saga
Every night as she cooked by the Aga:
Sweet young girls don’t wear meat,
Shoes like hooves on their feet
Yes, there can only be one Lady Gaga
alternately:
My mother would tell me this tale
Every day while out sorting the mail:
Stay the fuck out of his frame
Such is the harsh price of his fame:
You’ve no idea how hard it is for Chris Bale
RANDOM. I will know I’ve succeeded if I manage to write something coherent about Thomas Jane.
Meet a pantless fugger
Extraordinaire and orange
Some hot mess
She is indeed
Yodel out to Christina!
My best efforts put straight to the test
Eking out something coherent at best
Still it’s more than he’s got
Such a waste of what’s hot
Yo, T. Jane, why you such a damn mess?
I will stop now. I have a job and I should do it at some point today.
Not quite finished on my acrostic, but Fug Girls, will you be having an actual openbrooke.com site? You totally should!
Model/actor/singer/starlet cast in
Erotically charged cyber-thriller
Starring men with chiselled abs and all involved are
Scantily clad in a manner that makes Erin Wasson look like
Your grandmother
Makes you wonder who will be the next hot mess?
Evasive of now but
Soon to hit us like a ton of Gaga’s..
She is the future of fug!
Yes she’s learned from the likes of Lilo, Ke$ha, MIA, Nicki and more, so watch out world!
My name is LeAnn
Ever since I met
Squinty the Other
Skimpy Bikinis rule
Your twitter is in tatters
“MILEY!
every single time I walk into your room
sh*t is just tossed about
sunglasses, tattoo ointment, red bull, and fishnets
you best clean up your act girl or you’re out of here!!!”
-Tish Cyrus on an extra rough Monday morning
Madge, Queen of:
Everything but “twue wuv”.
So many naked, waxed boys-
So little of life’s other joys!
Yet you won’t give up your crown for Gaga’s hoof-footed ploys.
Misha Barton is so sad
Everything she wears is just so bad
Sometimes I wonder what she’s thinking
Sometimes I wonder if she’s been drinking
You know, it bothers me more than it should
More glitter for your hoohah
Even hapless dependent clients
Should be listed as happy
So good luck for Love
Yo-Yo is no joke
My
Empire is built on an image of domestic perfection.
So few would guess the embarrassing mess that is my
Sterling thimble collection. Stay mum about my scam and you’ll forever be in my affection.
Yours truly, Martha S.
Ode to Pamela Anderson
Magician Hans Klok couldn’t banish her woes
Even with Kid Rock, it kept coming to blows
Slippery Rick Salomon was not meant to be
She did learn a lesson from old Tommy Lee:
Yesterday’s love is today’s hepatitis C
impressive.
Wow, this was good, yet a bit sad, like good ol’ poetry
Mickey may be so fine, but Nicki can bust a rhyme
Each fashion choice in your face, loud as her
Super Bass, Boom badda doom
Spelled pastel Muppet hell,
Your foes you have slayed; notched in wig inches raised
Morphing seamlessly from role to role
Eliminates Tilda’s time to style and coif
SWINTON cares not for makeup
SWINTON cares not for the mortal realm
Yes, androgyny is the couture of the gods
Maybe you’re just having a bad hair day
Even though I fear that ‘do is here to stay
So what if you leave the house
Sweaty and maybe stoned as can be
You’ll always be my favorite hot mess, Chloe Sevigny
Much like Monica’s secret closet, wherein hides Richard
Every fellow obsessive compulsive hides a
Secret stash of junk and employees.
So in there I keep pink Himalayan sea salt, ghost writers, and a yoga instructor.
You think anyone will notice that Mario Batali broke into my cleanse while locked inside?
More time in court than a bailiff
Even the paparazzi yawn when you exit a club
Sorry, Lilo, you’re twice as messed up as Brooke Berlin is
Spoiled but
Your downward spiral isn’t fiction.
Muy Bien my Lovers!
Excited about my new young hombre, no?
Sassy points if you can guess who I am.
Si mi amigos
Yo, back to Mi Vida Loca
MEN AND WOMEN LOVE ME
ENDLESS PARTIES, NEW TUNES, PRODUCT PLACEMENT GOES HERE
SO MANY OUTFITS, TO WEAR AND TO DESIGN,
SAY KAN-YES, NOT KAN-NO, TO MY LIFE
YEAH, THE NEWEST K IN THE KARDASHIAN EMPIRE
March — I mean Fug — Madness
Exemplified the sweet fashion badness
So common, from Ashanti to Wasikowska
So as the Spoiled kids might go,
Y pick just 1? Like, you know?
Meshugunahs, you
Ecru faced celebutés!
So close yet
Se vigny. Too bad
You all can’t win fug madness every day.
Miss Sevigny,
Extraordinary, isn’t it, how an Aryan from Darien
Succeeds in becoming famous for
Sucking Vincent Gallo.
Your parents must be so proud!
HA!
My fond memories of “But I’m a Cheerleader!”
Earn you a spot in my heart.
Seems like you’re turning it around, Natasha,
Sounds like your theater career’s taking off.
Yet I would still not sublet to you. Sorry.
Maria de la Paz Elizabeth Sofia Adriana de la Huerta is her given name
Everyone knows her from the Boardwalk
Sort of well-playedish is the best she’s ever going to get
Somehow, she has yet to win Fug Madness
You don’t want to know what she smells like.
Musical talent completely forgotten when
Eddie Whathisface came into the picture.
Snuggies, hankies and bikinis covering a too-petite frame.
Save yourself, LeAnn, from this path of hot-messdom.
Your first step is to eat a sandwich.
Mr. Clooney’s closet: so full!
Endless gowns of girlfriends past;
Silk and lace, in colors so dull
So, is that why these “relationships” don’t last?
Young love is over-rated; Call me, George-no one will ever have to know we dated!
Muscles bulging grotesquely.
Eyeliner supreme.
Supervillian eyebrows.
So we’re clear, Carrot Top…
You scare me.
Miley’s car…
Egg McMuffin wrappers here and there
Slurpee cups with half dried crud in them
Slim Jim wrappers stuck to the dash
Yoohoo chocolate drink bottles that smell of curdled milk
Minaj
Everything doesn’t need neon and
Swirls and glitter. Multicolored wigs and
Schtickiness. But mirrored shoulder pads?
Yeah, you can keep those.
Mama’s known simply as Judy, but
Even Liza knows
She’s matched mama, drama for drama,
Sharing her bed with a G(u)est who’s gay
Yelping, ever more, that life is a cabaret
Faved!
Yup!
My
Eardrums
Say Yay! When Kanye
Sings
Y Does he have to speak and ruin it?
Mapother gets what Mapother wants
Eighties rock star? Bring the AutoTune!
So wife takes a (um) break from the craft
Suri complains from pain in the arch
Yes Tommy, Xenu will make it better.
Methinks the messiest celebrity much be a Peldon.
Everybody knows Courtney was once the Patron Saint of Fug.
Such a messy life she leads,
She has been trapped in her closet since early 2008.
Yea, she is buried ‘neath piles of sequins, too-small tees, and not much else.
Messy, you say? Who comes to mind? This chick that I’ve chosen looks like she’s been dressed by the blind.
Eccentric and quirky! Maybe charmless and smirky?
Skin-tight and perky! Or just plain fugly and jerky?
She didn’t make it in Fug Madness this year, a fact which I won’t even attempt to go near.
You got it yet? I’ll let you in: Star’s with a K, and ends with an Im.
Mayim Bialik a flower
Entertaining and witty still
Smart and full of mama power
So please do my will
You need not be fashionably restrained
Mad eyes
Evil leer
Staggeringly bad roles:
Says Nic Cage,
“You know I only buy all those castles and stuff to compensate for my hair. What the hell, hair? Why do you look like that?”
My.
Even I, your biggest fan
See that you, Christina Hendricks
Should really find yourself a stylist
YOU CAN DO IT, YOU JUST NEED HELP
Majestic
Entanglements,
Swinton’s
Sorcery
Yes!
My closet has not been designed by a vampire
Exactly how I will find my newest Balencia, I have no idea.
Super miniskirts keep getting lost and all my Converse are mis-matched.
Snow White’s dwarves couldn’t undo this amount of clutter.
Youth and beauty? Such a burden. Maybe that’s why I’m so awkward.
My eyes are burning, the reigning queen of Fuggery
Emblazoned in my mind, a haggard hot mess
She dresses without class
Such a cute kid; unsure what went wrong
You guessed it–she is Lindsay Lohan.
M issing Twitter attention
E ven Amanda Bynes
S toops to the usual
S henanigans of Hollywood
Y oung ladies.
Mr Downey
Elicits
Sensual
Starlet
Yearnings
Oh, I love these reading these entries. Fug nation is brilliant. Here are my attempts to keep up with the smart kids.
Meritorious? Medicated?
Elegantly (and obviously) vajazzled
Sylphlike and
Spangled
Yet oddly forgettable
My darling, oh my dear
Easter has come here
Silver tights you have spun
Shiny awards you have won
Yet everything you wear is entirely too sheer
Meat dresses are passe
Elbow pads have had their day
Silver selvage on your a**
Shirtwaist bloomers made of grass
Yes! School uniforms! Hooray!
My God woman, put down the Cheetos
Every time I remember you when you were bald, bashing a car and
Staring at the world with sad-panda mascara-ringed eyes, I yearn for the days of your
Schoolgirl uniform. At least you looked fresh and free of
Yeast infections back then. Yeesh.
Methinks the sparkling closet on her
Episode of cribs in 2002 was fake.
Someone so frequently without pants
Surely can’t be that organized.
You know Dem Babies haven’t made it any easier.
Messiest star in Hollywood land?
Easy. Russell Brand.
Sexy beast with a plunging neckline beckoning the ladies in,
So first it was love, and then came marriage,
Yes, I’m seriously glad they didn’t make it to the baby carriage.
Macaulay Culkin, child actor
Emancipated. Jackson factor?
Since ‘Home Alone’ he seemed to fade, but
‘Saved!”…public opinion swayed
You’re My Girl’s guy to me
May your jumpsuits stay
Egregious, your dresses,
Slinky (at best), your songs,
Sultry. But dear god, Rihanna, may you dump that
Yipping yellow-bellied yahoo!
(Kim Kardashian poem.. Hey, we share a name!)
Mind-numbing starlet, on a Pinterest ‘bookmarklet’
Ever so sassy, pretends to be classy, but we all know she’s a harlot
She married a player, who now says he hates her, & she is a media target.
Sad but it’s true, if she’ll be eating for two, Kanye West will have to jump it…
Yes she is sad, hopefully only a fad, but I guess she’s our little strumpet!
And ‘strumpet’ is a word!
Mayim
Epitomizes
Sunflower hats
Sincerely,
Yours
Martin’s fair lady Gywneth, who,
Even as she “wears” Stella McFugney, continues to
Shimmy and sashay her detoxed
Sylphlike frame down the red carpets. But don’t
You wonder why it didn’t all stop with GOOP?
Miley makes music as a post-Disney princess
Everything isn’t broken, but it
Sure is
Slutty.
Yahoo? Yowza? Or Yikes!
Miss Lemon Breeland, you do
Exhaust me with your delightfully anachronistic wardrobe. I think that
Scott Porter must be going mad,
Surely, acting face-to-face with your sartorial smorgasbord. Although, kudos to you Lemon,
You are never under the influence of leather formal shorts.
“Major swamp ass,” Jess said it herself.
Expelling gas 225 times daily would kill an elf.
Skittles-eating vaginas — you know that ain’t clean.
Simpson’s a winner, she’s a mess-lover’s dream.
Yes, and also she said when her water breaks it’s going to be like a fire hydrant, and you don’t have to rhyme that when you’re writing a poem because it’s nuts and she said it on Kimmel.
Married
Eight times to
Seven different women.
Serial matrimony!
Yikes, Larry!
Met ye fug girl Jessica through recaps on TWOP
Evermore was my life changed
Shameful clothing viewed with equal loathing and love
Should I now mention Pacey?
Yes.
Does a posthumous acrostic qualify?
Magnificent screen legend, but…..
Eight marriages to
Seven different men, Elizabeth,
Seemed an excess of
“Yes.”
M ajestic bell bottoms of
E gregious lace, Vanessa you
S tarlet o ‘Disney, you
S artorial slave,
Y ou’re wonderful,
never change.
Madonna
Expresses herself via
Snow-cone bras and
Sorta-maybe sexy younger men.
Yippee-ki-yay!
Mel Gibson and Bad Choices:
Expletive-laden
Speeches AND
Singing Detective?
Yeah… no.
Ms. Jennifer Lopez:
Excessive cleavage and ass!
Sartorially-speaking – so much class!
Sorry, lovers, obviously I’m kidding.
You’ll see what I mean with her next wedding.
Mrs. Hendricks, red hair like a dream
Even from outer space thy breasts can be seen
Such fair-skinned beauty overshadowed by
Some incredibly poor cleavage choices; many losses and very few wins
Yield to our plea: one’s breasts should not touch one’s chin.
LOL!
Madonna, Momsen, Mischa, Miley, Minaj, Mia, McCartney….
Each one a worthy messy closet contender! And then there’s
Sevigny, Simpson, Sienna, Solange, and Speidi!
Sigh. I should have gone with messy
Yachts.
Madewell, Alexa?
Except, not so much.
Style icon pawn or
Sartorial disaster diva?
You decide.
Madonna or whore, pathetic or fierce
Everyone has an opinion on your style.
Seriously, a cheerleader costume at the
Super Bowl? No matter – age can never dull a
Youth well spent.
Michaels, Tammy Lynn. Once an actress, on the rise, then,
Etheridge, and then NOT Etheridge, and then obscurity.
Sometimes I wonder what Nicole Julian would have done, but you traded in your leather pants for mom jeans.
Seems like just
Yesterday that you were so Gwyneth.
Mildred Pierce revealed as Mommie Dearest
Even legends get the blues
Second-banana jealousy and feuds,
Still you acted like a star, since
You know what happened to Baby Jane
My name, the first month of the year
Ever so cold like me
Surprise! A first born, whose father I’ll never clear!
Secrets, such as this, and a name like a frozen kiss
You’ll see, are how your lives should be – just look at me…
(Ah! the life and fug of January Jones… She’s the most mysterious messy star)
Man already!
Enough to date and
Sing for the little ladies.
So caught up in a Disney Fantasy that
Your wardrobe, Justin B., is MESSY
My need to expose my twin peaks has led to them saying to me -
Erin Wasson! Wassup with being so clothing (and class) free?
Shocking is what I aim to be, subtlety could lead to obscurity
Stylists have tried to reform me, oh no -
Yellow with jaundice Id rather be!
Moronic jumpsuits are totally your thing.
Ethereal baldness graces your head.
Silly sun glasses can be worn at all occasions.
Shouty boyfriends are not forever!
Yes, Amber Rose, I’m looking at you.
My yacht would be awesome.
Easy breezy caftans are totally allowed.
Sipping cocktails with feet dangling in the water is a
Serious recommendation. But, thank Fug, celebrities in
Yellow bikinis, ugly sunglasses, scarves and ugly dresses cannot board.
Ah, dude, it went all messy (see what I did there?), but you get the drift! I’m looking forward to Messy! I loved Spoiled!
Ms Chloe Sevigny is tops,
Encased always in fugtastic color pops.
She strikes many a pose
So we may comment on her clothes.
Yikes! What will we do if she stops?
Mutton dressed as lamb
Ewe in disguise
Sharon
Stone
Youth’s pursuit is her basic instinct
Man!
Every time I’m on your pretty blog
So many tears of bliss and joy drop
See, you are my only pleasure all day long
Yo! I need “Messy”- if you don’t believe me, you are wrong!!
Man fugs are
Easily overlooked, but
Seriously, have you ever REALLY looked at
Sean Connery in Zardoz?
Yeesh!
Matthew Perry, known once to
Everybody as Miss Chanandler Bong,
Sits now so
Still in our awareness.
Yesterday’s memory, but a happy one
Mr. Harry Potter is no longer
Emma Watson’s gig
So she says
Sectumsempra to magic
Yes, and shills makeup instead
Miss Rihanna here to set the record straight
Eschewing pants has lately been my fate
Some ask if in my tight clothes, I might suffocate
Stop the fug madness, I know I look great!
You should see Battleship, for an Oscar nod I await.
Mischa, remember when you were Marissa and
Everyone loved your
Style?
So, what happened?
You should really take a shower…
Miss Kat Graham maybe a witch with an
Endless closet needing a fix.
Spike, studs and forlorn topknots everywhere
She could conjure up a stunner
Yet seens not to care.
Maybe now that my hair has grown back in
Everybody has forgotten most of my sins.
Sixty hour marriages are a thing of the past
Shoes are on my feet even when I’m getting gas.
Ya’ll, I’ve come so far!
great!
My Rihanna how you bring me joy
Even when your outfits simply annoy
See I might complain but don’t change a thing
Secretly loving to see it all
You should wear next, a dress that’s a ball.
Madonna Madonna
Enough already
Stop
Stop
Your arms!
Love this!
Mia Wasikowska,
Except as Alice,
Some color
Serves you well.
Yikes.
Mickey Mouse Club member in your menswear, giving face
Extraordinary suits and smolder, modeling such grace
Save a woman from a cab, break up an ugly fight
Still, your peak of net fame is “Hey, girl” — DAWSON’S WINNING, am I right?
You may be pretty, Gosling, but your meme still needs some work.
Muppet dress thrown on the floor,
Eaten turkey legs next to socks,
Seafoam wig hangs from the door,
Sophia Grace would be so shocked,
Your closet, Ms. Minaj, is an eye sore.
nice image!
Mad Men’s Hendricks,
Every woman hurts,
Seeing your chest.
Sterling says,
You need a stylist.
Mister Cage, pleasem if you would
Explain to us exactly how
Several blockbuster movies and
So much fame and money leads to such
Yucky hair that makes the Donald look like Farrah Fawcett.
My, what a large, expensive ring, Ms. Biel.
Explain to me why you can’t wear it in public? Your
Serial cheater commitment-phobe of a boyfriend
Says it’ll ruin his image?
Yikes, girl.
The “Your” goes on the second line, it just looks like it overflowed in the post.
My Helena, kooky and fair
Eagles, I think, nest in your hair
Spooktacular layers, what have we here?
Surely, my dear
You must have a mirror?
an ode to Ms. Bonham Carter <3
Love this!
Married men, Pippa?
Even though you’ve got it all–
Sisterhood, sexy bod, skiing champ,
Still you draw the short man straw
Yeah, ok if that makes me feel better?
Ms. Jolie, we respectfully request that you
Eat a
Sandwich, or
Something else (anything, really)
Yours truly, Everyone
May the odds,
Ever be in your favor,
Sweet, innocent child of
Snooki. Because your mama is Snooki. SNOOKI.
Yeah, sometimes life is a crap shoot. We all can’t be Blue Ivy.
Molting season can be difficult for Big Bird when old feathers follow you
Everywhere you go. Even Mr.
Snuffleupagus tries to help you keep your nest in order
Since it is on Sesame Street.
Yellow feathers can be so distracting.
Maybe someday,
Erin Wasson will realize that
Sometimes, more is more.
Seriously.
You need to put your vagina away. I don’t want to see that! (TM Valerie Cherish)
My eyes hurts
Everytime I look at
SJP
So many bad outfits
YIKES!
Monica claimed her as a muse
Ebony claimed her as paragon of talent and beauty
Shame, however. claimed her latter years and
Smack, in part, claimed her life.
Yeah, I went there.
Model Times – Wacky Clothes
Especially if you mix those
Something will go very wrong
See Jumpsuit Tyra
Your Eyes are gone….
McCartney,
Especially Stella.
Stop.
Stop please.
You listening?
My god, Ms. Lewis (cause you’re nasty)!
Everyone knows skin-tight lycra causes
Side-effects to your lady bits,
So learn to dress yo self before
You rickety wreck yo self!
(in reference to one Juliette, she of The Licks)
THE K METHOD
Miserable and mercurial. Woah is ME, an Artist bestowed with delicate emotive power.
Eclipse engagement, prove authenticity! Jitter. Mumble. Aloof sigh. Media angst.
Sartorial indifference, like, literally: cigarettes, converse, day old tee, crusty hair, edgy minis against my slouch.
SMILE NEVER (smirk with boyfriend): The Remix.
Young fans I loathe you. Role model I am not.
Mascara smudged round my eyes
everyone wants my American flag swag
sullen smirking animal and a cannibal
so trashy? well we R who we R, right?
yeah, it’s me Ke$sha, bitches!
Maggie Smith onscreen
Elegance Incarnate. Backstage
Super diva
she makes
Yeezy look restrained.
Maternity clothes?
Ew! Spandex,
Stripper heels,
Spray tan…
Yep, I’m pulling it off.
–Snooki
Make no mistake, Shenae Grimes deserves the crown
Embrace her, Fug Nation, she’s the messiest around
She wears shorts that aren’t pants and patterns fit for a clown
She thinks her midriff is the best in town
You can read all about it in the Blaze, these fashion crimes truly astound.
My MANning, my
Eli, how I love you and your hair, which Madame Tussauds did not do justice to. In fact, it makes me want to
Shriek loud, heaving, gut-wrenching
Sobs that will travel all the way to our dear friends in
Yemen who have probably never even heard of Fug Madness but if they had, I am sure they would all vote to crown what Madame Tussaud calls Eli Manning.
Masons’s Mum Kourt has a lot of answer for
Every piece should not be worn at the same time
So much so even
Scott Disik thinks its too much
Yummy mummy no more!
Mega unorganized I’d bet,
Especially messy, agreed
Sevigny’s closet
Such horror I would see!
You must concede.
Mr. Robert Downey, Jr.,
Easily the most talented of the Brat Pack,
Survived near personal implosion,
Strangely made the *perfect* Iron Man,
You are reborn as massive hotness.
Mel Gibson once was hot Mad Max,
Except apparently he was really scary Mad Mel.
Screaming epithets and anti-Semitic phrases,
Staring blankly and crazily in those mug shots.
You’re just a bit of a nutter, sweets.
Maybe it would be fun to be a Kardashian -
Even if you’re constantly chased by the paparazzi,
Struggling daily to out-fug your sisters,
Straining constantly for camera time,
Yet still complete and totally irrelevant and useless.
COMPLETELY
Sigh. Last line of that last acrostic should be “Yet still completely and totally irrelevant and useless”
(much like my brain cells that refused to let me type coherently. clearly time for bed.)
Many a starlet slept in his bed;
Elvis’ fame and fortune went to his head;
Successful and edgy, he was the King of Rock and Roll;
Sixty-Eight Come Back Special, every ticket was sold;
Yet nine years later, found dead at the commode.
Mugshot of a girl:
Eyes sad,
Smile disappearing.
Story of a Nickelodeon star gone bad.
Yikes, Amanda, that pink hair isn’t working.
My, oh my.
Even Cee-Lo thinks
Someone should get Xtina a sweater.
Showing that much cleavage is a cry for help.
Your career isn’t that bad; have some dignity.
Wow, I had no idea your surname was Cocks.
Mmmmph
Euhgknlgnlng
Sllllllluuffmm
Shuuuuuuurrrb
Yelped the cast of Gossip Girl trapped in Penn Badgley’s hair
hee hee!
This just made my day.
Mister Carson is a favorite; Thomas an
Enormous tool.
Some love Lady Mary; nobody misses Lavinia
Swire. Daisy! Mr. Pamuk! Dowager Maggie Smith!
Yebba NotnwoD!
Mini-stilettos and a tiara
Every outfit captured by the paparazzi
Suri Cruise
Someday you will end up in rehab,
Young fashionista
Mr. Potter himself, DanRad
‘E‘s gotta be hidin’ a pigstye pad
Since Hot Neville became a meme and
Stole “The Boy Who Lived”‘s big fight scene
You think he cares if his cupboard’s clean?
Megalochin adds facial character
Even though you nearly
Singlehandedly tanked NBC
So here’s to Team Coco!
Years since I found you funny, Leno
Must we see more of Holmes & Yang’s
Egregiously-fitting clothes?
Suri doesn’t even approve and
Scientology is not the answer
You need a get-a-grip friend who isn’t five.
Many who
Enter R. Kelly’s closet
Stay to hear him
Spin some
Yarn
Mr. Christian (Dark-Knight) Bale
Everyone’s family is crazy, hang in there
Sideburns akimbo
Seriously, another Batman movie?
Y WOULDN’T JO MARRY LAURIE?
Many girls and guys love her,
Even their mothers can’t find fault.
Still, dear Taylor wears only sparkles,
Swiftly exasperating us all.
You’re not fifteen anymore.
love it.
Mistress of 90210
Exceptionally charmed to get work
Star in her own mind
Sometimes stabby angry
You inspire (fear) on set
marlboro lights, taco bell and redbulls
envelopes of kool-aid and vodka
some other pretty strong narcotics, i suspect
shaved head and bare foot
yucky is a word for ‘unhygienic’ that you might understand
Britney Spears
Mama was a jailbird,
Everyone says: “Bull-True!”
Still you became Ms. Blair,
Sporting headbands with flair!
You deserve better than lonely boy’s hiddy hair.
“Mother used to say, ‘You’re going to get stout,’” and wasn’t she prophetic,
Elizabeth Hofstadt Draper Francis? Even awesomesauce
Sally can see through your Model Housewife facade.
Such a mess you’ve made of your life as
You attempt to continue on with this charade.
Messed up your life, Courtney Love,
Even Tori Amos wrote you a song.
She titled it “Professional Widow” after Kurt was gone,
‘Star Fucker’ she called you sixteen years ago…
You’re still a mess, aren’t you, hon’?
Ms. Klum,
Even though we’re flattered by your request to design you a
Special line of outfits, we recommend instead a
Strict diet of minidresses and rebound boy-toys.
Yours truly, the makers of Forever Lazy
Britney writes her own acrostic to defend herself…
Marlboro Milkshake? that was a good one, you stupid clowns
Envy seeps out your pores; where’s your product lines?
State child protective services can’t even keep me down
“She’s a big, hot mess” and “cheeto addict” I hear you cry
Ya’ll don’t know me! My comeback is for reals this time!
Miss katy perry, newly free
Eyes potential company
Short of skirt & blue of hair
She spritzes Pussy in the air
Yes i know thats not its name, but euphemising’s a loser’s game
Mondays are hard, we know
Evidently for celebrities, too.
Since VHudge’s
Shorts have clearly been attacked by a
Yak on the loose from Studio Four.
I know you said in your post yesterday that the contest was ending that day, but this post says Thursday, so I hope I’m still eligible! Love you guys!
Maybe someday the celebrities will learn–
Every piece of clothing is not meant to be worn in public!
Sartorial Sanity goes a long, long way.
Stay away from the Crazy – go with Amazing, or even Cramazing if you must.
You’ll thank the Fug Girls later (and so will we).
Me? I misunderstood
Even though I read the rules.
Somehow I managed to write 75
Stupid poems about Lilo
Yet it was the 74th that was really, REALLY terrific
Many have criticized little miss Blake
Everyone says she’s nothing but fake
Slept with four men? None of them Ben?
Something tells me there’s more we don’t know
You know there’s truth to the real gossip, girl. XOXO
Many have criticized little miss Blake
Everyone says she’s nothing but fake
Slept with four men? None of them Ben?
Something tells me there’s more we don’t know
You know there’s truth to the gossip, girl. XOXO
(I didn’t like that the last line ran over and can’t figure out how to delete the first one)
Mark my words, Stacy Keibler, it’s near
Every Clooney girl makes it a year
Save the purses and clothes
Strike your very last pose
You should buy Liz Canalis a beer
My Heavens
Ewan McGregor is a
Sexy piece of ass but
Strap me vitals!
You need a tailor.
Methinks
Everyone is
Saying this to you celebs.
Seriously,
You need pants!
OR
Miss Aniston
Everything is so hard for you.
Supposed babies, cheating boys, but you have that
Swingy hair.
Yet I still don’t like you.
Mickey Mouse Club gave you your start,
Eschewing your music breaks my heart.
Six Grammy awards, JT, but acting has given you none.
Stringing along the girl with a great bum.
You need to drop a new album.