Let’s lead with the good news: Miley got a haircut/got her extensions of doom taken out, and she looks great.
Right? It’s so healthy and sassy like that. And it makes sense: She’s about to hit up a lot of Hunger Games premieres alongside Liam “Last Song” Hemsworth, so she might as well try and get in the conversation, you know? Even if that conversation turns out to be, “Man, they could’ve just CGI’d him into this sucker from that Miley Cyrus movie and it would’ve been the same.” Although he really IS cute, so I am actually hoping he blows it out of the water as Gale. No, wait… get ready for it… I hope he is a Gale force. SNAP.
But the thing is, there’s a reason I cut this photo off at the head, and it’ s because what’s on the jump will make you do that half-inhale, half-squeal where you grab your face and then look around to see if any of your coworkers saw you going all Edvard Munch:
Where did she find those pants? In the trunk of a DeLorean?
And it gets worse:
She had to UNBUTTON THEM in order to sit in her car! They are so high and ridiculous that SHE COULDN’T DRIVE IN THEM. THIS IS WHY JESUS INVENTED LOW-RISE JEANS.
And they give her cankles. It’s the gift that no girl wants, so why is she giving it to herself? She’s like a cross between Amanda Jones and Jeanie-Shawna Bueller. I would suggest this is what Madonna threw on over her concert rehearsal leotard so she could run out to grab lunch, but who am I kidding — Madonna never would’ve felt the need to throw on pants over her rehearsal leotard. Miley, girl, you almost made it to Fug Madness on a wave of (comparative) glory, but I think you just shot up the seeding chart.
[Photos: Pacific Coast News]