Fug File: Met Ball

Met Ball Fugs and Fabs: The Last Four People In My Lightbox


In which WE ARE FINALLY DONE. I’m sure I missed someone by accident, but it’s too late now. MWA HA HA. I AM FREE. And also newly enamored of Emily Blunt. So in that sense I am still imprisoned… by my girl crush.

[Photos: Getty]

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Met Ball YES Carpet: Bianca Brandolini D’Adda


This lady is an Italian socialite/model/girlfriend to the Fiat heir/daughter of a Count/descendant of an Empress.

To that list I shall add: caped crusader/optical illusion/potentially very expensive person/High Priestess of Liquid Gold (and possibly thus also of the Velveeta Skillet empire)/by-product of the orgiastic mating of the spirit animals belonging to Joan Collins, Liberace, Gwyneth Paltrow, SWINTON, and GFY Jessica/necessary component of the Avengers sequel/a WiFi hot-spot. My internal APPLAUSE sign is flashing. Powered by the sheer wattage she’s giving off in this picture.

[Photo: Getty]

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Met Ball Fug Carpet: Leslie Mann


She looked great at the Oscars, and the White House Correspondents Dinner:

But it turns out you can’t win ‘em all.

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Met Ball Well Played: Brooke Shields


Apparently, Brooke here tore her meniscus during a performance of The Addams Family, so she was stuck navigating the Met Ball — and its massive staircase — with a funked up leg and a cane.

And she totally worked it. The dress is kind of like webbing, in both a cool and a freaky way, but it’s almost beside the point: We watched her hobble around, without help, as tentatively as you can imagine, but she gritted her teeth and went up the damn stairs and worked it anyway. Slow clap, Brooke. Next time I vote you decorate your date a little — even Clair Huxtable BeDazzled her walking cast when she broke her toe, or whatever, chasing a snake out of her bedroom — but one thing at a time. You made it through upright, and you still look tremendous. I would shake your hand, but they’re both busy.

[Photo: Getty]

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Met Ball Fug or Fab: January Jones


I love things that are art deco. So why do I not love this? Indeed, much like the lady behind her, I am giving it the side-eye.

Maybe it’s that the turquoise necklace is totally wrong with the dress, or how the gown just kind of… sits there on her body rather than conforming to it. Or that I don’t like the makeup with it. The whole thing looks like the sun-bleached color scheme at a retro hot-dog vendor on an abandoned beach-town boardwalk. I would LOVE to see it on Solange, or possibly Emma Stone if she were still red-haired, or… Chastain, maybe? Do we think her coloring could carry it? What about, like… Jennifer Connolly, if she still went places? I don’t know. I’m not calling a time of death on the gown, that’s for sure. But on January it’s leaving me as cold as Betty Draper.

Am I crazy?

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[Photos: Getty]

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Met Ball Fug or Fab: Claire Danes


Oh, Claire Danes. It’s amazing how much I love you now that you rock it out on Homeland on the regular. I also really enjoy your hair here. So 60s. So glam! I approve.

But let’s look at the rest of you, shall we?

Do you like?

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