Fug File: ANTM

Crazy Stupid Fug

Sep 16, 2011 By Jessica AT 9:00 am

At least Analeigh Tipton is having FUN?

This face says, “YES! I may have thrown this kind of cute blazer from Forever 21 over this kind of weird dress that’s kind of a bra-and-skirt combo held together by lace and now I look kind of like I lost a bet BUT! I am in a movie with Adam Brody and he’s STILL CUTE. TAKE THAT, TYRA!”

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America’s Next Fug Model

Aug 16, 2011 By Jessica AT 1:00 pm

Toccara Jones here is one of my favorite past ANTM contestants:

And according to Wikipedia, she is about to star in (or is currently starring in) season 2 of DONALD TRUMP PRESENTS THE ULTIMATE MERGER, which is both a mouthful and a television show in which The Donald picks 12 dudes for a lady to date — like The Bachelorette plus The Apprentice, I guess.  Last season — its first — the Lady in Question was (of course) Omarosa (because Trump seriously loves him some Omarosa, which I find kind of entertaining, actually) and APPARENTLY, she got down to the final dude and found out HE WAS STILL MARRIED. I can not believe I missed this, is what I’m saying.  And I think the fact that the masterminds at Trump Inc who cast this show missed the fact that someone was  STILL MARRIED goes a LONG way toward explaining why Tocarra is out and about wearing a cape:  she may come upon some unfortunate news and have to fly away to safety at any moment.

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Modelfug

Aug 15, 2011 By Jessica AT 12:00 pm

MS TYRA BANKS:

I was going to say that I thought we already DID the Year of the Jumpsuit, and then I realized that a) this might not technically be a jumpsuit and b) you also wore one last time we saw you, so it’s clearly Year of the Jumpsuit 2: Jumpsuit’s Revenge. And that c) let’s be honest, I can’t wait to read your YA novel (which I just noticed that Amazon is packing with ours as a special deal, which…is awesome), as well as d) I appreciate that your outfit is the exact same color scheme as my beloved giant Caboodle circa 1989, in which I stored such important items as metallic peach Wet N Wild lip gloss, aqua-colored mascara, and a purloined copy of Hollywood Wives, from which I learned many disturbing facts about life. Ergo: please carry on in good health.

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Eva “Marcille” Pigfugd

Aug 12, 2011 By Heather AT 7:00 am

I can’t believe I missed this last week.

There are pieces of cool here: I see potential in the shoulder area, and there might have been SOMETHING on the skirt if it didn’t have those saggy hip pockets. But that’s not illusion netting; that’s delusion netting. Might as well just stick your torso in some panty-hose and call it clothes. Parenthetically, how hilarious is it that Eva — whose hair has never quite worked ever since Tyra chopped it off and bleached it those eons ago — is now hosting Oxygen’s hair battle show? The first challenge should be her head.

 

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Teen Choice Awards Fug Carpet: Tyra Banks

Aug 8, 2011 By Heather AT 10:00 am

So, my early prediction is this: There will be a photo shoot on this fall’s America’s Next Top Model All “Stars” Edition that very conveniently dovetails with the publication of Tyra’s young adult novel, Modelland (the excerpt of which reads like the His Dark Materials books if they sniffed glue and had an orgy with Gossip Girl and The Hunger Games). In fact, it may already be going on:

Not long before wearing this, TyTy showed up on GMA wearing a “smize” (smile with your eyes) over her eye — or at least, that’s what we’re told it was, and that makes sense to us, because it paradoxically makes so LITTLE sense (how can one wear an eye-smile OVER one’s eye?). And then she lubed up and poured herself into this jumpsuit that makes her boobs look like they have a very angry blonde unibrow. With, if I’m not mistaken, matching polish on all twenty of her nails. This bodes BRILLIANTLY for this season of ANTM – remember the cycle on which she wore only jumpsuits? –  but frightens me outside the inane confines of the judging room. And I suspect I’m not the only one:

duck!

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Fugaleigh/Better Played, Analeigh Tipton

Jul 20, 2011 By Heather AT 10:00 am
Analeigh Tipton
Analeigh TiptonAnaleigh TiptonAnaleigh TiptonAnaleigh Tipton
8 photos in gallery

So, you might remember Analeigh Tipton here from her season of America’s Next Top Model — she was the ex-figure skater who made it to the final three in the season that McKey eventually won. Now, despite these horrible socks at the Horrible Bosses premiere, it seems Analeigh might actually have a bit of a career burgeoning: She was in The Green Hornet, is currently appearing in Crazy, Stupid, Love (I hate it when moves get cutesy with punctuation because it can be hard to have it look right in a sentence, ahem, Love, Actually), and is set to appear on season three of Hung as, and I quote her Wikipedia page, “a schizophrenic pimp.” It seems she is already starting to dress the part.

But at issue here is really what she wore to the C,S,L premiere (I love a comma, but man, those are making it hard to abbrev). And it’s not even what she wore. It’s how she wore it. Miss Tyra would be proud: Girlfriend is modeling, in TyTy’s words, H2T; that is, head to toe. It’s to the point where it almost feels like she is redeeming an ANTM prize from three years ago to appear in a catalog shoot at a major motion picture premiere. Then again, who knows how many more of these she’ll get? Walk like the rent is due tonight, right, Miss J? Right.

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