Today is Kate “Duchess of Cambridge” Middleton’s 30th birthday! And happy birthday to her. I had the (national) news on in the background while I was making dinner last night, and I overheard the newscaster say the following (which I have paraphrased, but only slightly): “Since marrying Prince William, Kate Middleton hasn’t taken a step wrong…EXCEPT SHE HASN’T HAD A BABY YET.” DUM DUM DUM DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUN. To which I say: a) dude, they haven’t even been married a year! b) her husband is in the military! c) she is not the ONLY PERSON RESPONSIBLE FOR KNOCKING HERSELF UP, and d) she has to host the OLYMPICS in August. She has STUFF ON HER PLATE. GIVE A SISTER A BREAK. I’m sure she is well aware of the fact that gestating an heir to the throne is a big part of her job description, given how she is a sentient being who grew up being taught basic British history. Let’s give those kids at least a year to be married before we all start flinging ourselves off the Tower of London, wailing “BUT WHAT OF HER BARREEEEEENNN WOOOOOOOOOOOOOMB” on the way down. It’s all going to be fine. But is her outfit?
Fug File: lace
First off: I saw Friends With Benefits on Pay Per View this Christmas — or, as I also call it, The Time Without TV — and you know what? I actually really liked it. JT was good, and Kunis was, as always, charming. They had good chemistry; I can see why he ALLEGEDLY kept trying to ALLEGEDLY nail her. Second off: can we just look back on last year and remember how crazy great she looked all 2011? She had a hell of a year.
As every sports fan knows, every winning streak ends eventually. As every sports fan ALSO knows, you want to get that one loss out of the way EARLY and at an unimportant game, so you don’t spend the rest of the season waiting for the other shoe to drop and stress-eating. Ergo: way to get that taken care of in January, girl. Go into awards season in good health.
I just read in People AND Us Weekly that Olivia is currently dating Jason Sudekis, so it MUST be true. About a year ago, I had this whole theory about how I was pretty sure Sudekis (who I think is quite funny) was secretly unbearable. But that was when he was dating January Jones (the theory being that SHE seems unbearable, so anyone spending a lot of time with her was either ALSO unbearable, or didn’t care that she was unbearable because she was so gorgeous, which is also kind of jack-ass-y). Olivia always seems funny in interviews, so, hey! Look at that! I’m back on the Sudekis train again, although I’ll never get over what he did to Liz Lemon. Parenthetically: do we think the fact that his 30 Rock character turned out to be such an ass had anything to do with the fact that said character turned ass-y right around when Sudekis and his wife were getting divorced? His wife who is, by the way, a 30 Rock writer? And if so, does it make him a good sport that he went along with it, or do we think he was internally fuming? And also, I love the idea that his ex and Tina Fey theoretically decided to screw with him in that manner, mostly because I am evil. And also: this post isn’t about him. He’s not even in the pictures. I’m sorry for that total tangent. I guess I just had a lot of say about Jason Sudekis. I actually had no idea that was all swirling around in my brain. Let’s look at Olivia. And then come back and vote:
We’re getting to the fallow period in fuggery, because everyone is out doing holiday shopping or holiday hibernating, and so we start scrolling back through our lightboxes looking for stuff we forgot about, going, “Wait, why didn’t I write about that again?” And thus, enter Shailene:
I suspect this never made it up when it happened because lately I feel like I’ve written eleventy million posts that include some variation on the line, “Hey, is that her thigh I’m seeing all of, or just a clingy dress liner?” I THINK I see the hem of a liner a couple inches up from her knee, but it took a lot of ogling to discern. Plus, around this time frame, I had just written about this similar Claire Danes lacy dress. And I prefer Claire’s, and I couldn’t quite find my way around Shailene’s, and once you stare at a girl’s knees for that long you just stop caring about whether it works on her shoulders or it’s flattering at the waist or whether it’s made of teddy bears or what flavor of ice cream it would be. You just want a break. And some ice cream. So I had both. What can I say? I’m thorough.
I mean, obviously, I SHOULD hate that Carey Mulligan is just sitting around in her bra. But I kind of don’t. Is that crazy? Have I lost my mind? She’s so pretty, and she’s not doing it IN PUBLIC, so the whole thing actually looks extremely model-esque, and it’s on the cover of a magazine and if you can’t look model-esque on the cover of a magazine, WHERE CAN YOU I ASK?
Paula Patton is really gorgeous:
And I believe this dress is what they call Gilding The Lily. Although in this case it’s more like Covering the Lily With All Kinds of Loud Furbelows and Too Much Whatnot , but you know what I mean.