Here’s my issue with this show — well, one of many, most of which you are already all too aware: I have a tendency to forget what it happening on it AS IT HAPPENS. It’s like…in one eye and out the other. Part of the reason for that is that they’ve made a lot of their on-going plots WAY too complicated and my brain isn’t interested in following them, because it has a lot of other TV-related things to keep straight (who all the middle-aged bearded white dudes are on Game of Thrones; wtf is happening on Scandal, etc). The other part of the reason is that I don’t really care. HOWEVER! These final four hours kind of pulled it together. It’s not GREAT, but some interesting things happened in the midst of all the Don’t Care. For example: Charlotte is pregnant! And has a psychotic lesbian schoolmate stalker (who fell in love with Charlotte after Charlotte punched her in the face, which is….troubling)! Declan is, like his accent from season one, dead! Amanda tells Jack who she actually is! There’s a swordfight and Aidan kills Takeda! Etc! So maybe next season will be….okay? I’m not holding my breath.
Fug File: Revenge
Well, look. This show still has big problems, but I can’t complain too much about an episode that killed off Padma, introduced a Secret Baby, involved nuns, and featured a masquerade ball. All of those things — murders, secret babies, nuns, and masquerades — need to happen MORE on this show. Also, this episode was actually kind of funny in parts; Daniel handed his mother the two golden bullets she sent him to scare him off Emily’s jock and told her to use one on each of her faces, for example. You go, writers. Let’s keep this up.
Two, two, TWO episodes in one recap — mostly because I could not bring myself to watch either of these until yesterday. I know I complain about this show constantly, but seriously: Can you remember any other drama taking such a PRECIPITOUS decline in quality from the season one finale and the season two finale? I can’t follow half the show, AND I don’t care about the parts I don’t understand. It’s A Problem.
A confession: I have no idea what is happening on this show. Seriously. Amanda is dead from getting blown up, Jack is sad, the Initiative is bad, Helen Crawley was BORING so Victoria shot her and ABC replaced her with a scarier looking actor, Padma’s Dad’s finger is in a box somewhere to convince her to…something….and Nolan is something something with her something something and then something with Daniel and does anyone even care anymore? There was literally even a scene this week where Emily basically said, “WELL TIME FOR ME TO GET BACK TO ENACTING REVENGE ON PEOPLE AND CROSSING THEIR FACES OUT AGAIN BECAUSE THAT’S WHAT EVERYONE WANTS” and, seriously, ABC, it’s about six weeks too late.
This show. It is such a hot mess. Parts of the most recent two episodes were genuinely interesting and emotional: poor Amanda dying after (stupidly) going back onto an exploding boat to rescue an accessory; Victoria shooting WhatsHerName NoOneCares to protect Daniel from being framed for something Unnamed But Terrorist-y; Emily crying through Jack and Amanda’s wedding. And parts of them were just mind-numbingly boring/dumb: the whole blah blah blah about the Stowaway; everything else that ever happened involving the Initiative, ever; Conrad deciding to run for governor despite being a MURDERER whose son was also arrested for MURDER, a TERRORIST, a man whose wife was kidnapped under weird circumstances, and an inveterate cheater, who ALSO knows that basically ALL of this information is ON TAPE SOMEWHERE. There is literally no one in the world less electable. He is a moron, and if he GETS elected, the shows thinks we too are morons. People’s political careers get sidetracked if they don’t pay their housekeeper properly, much less IF THEY MIGHT HAVE BLOWN UP A PLANE, FRAMED A DUDE, AND THEN HAD HIM SHIVVED.
Because obviously what we were all thinking was, “what this show needs is more intricate business plotting and LESS personal drama, and more business rivals and fewer romantic interests!!!! I TOTALLY want to spend my Sunday nights thinking about mergers and acquisitions and math and CFOs ! Let’s jettison the name Revenge and re-name it Business School! Can next week involve an entire PowerPoint presentation?!?!!!”
In other news, due to our technical issues over the last couple of weeks combined with our coverage of the Golden Globes, what we’ve got here are three fug-caps in one, and guess what? I have NO IDEA what is really happening on this show. The short version is: everyone hates each other; everyone is extremely stupid; it’s impossible to tell for whom we are supposed to be rooting (with the exception of Jack and Declan, for whom it is almost impossible to root because of their dumbness); and the network is still pretty excited about Emily VanCamp’s cleavage.