Tonight at 9 p.m. (depending on where you live, so check your listings), Lifetime presents one of the most hilarious and terrible — hilarrible, if you will — TV movies of our time. Future generations will turn to us and say, “Grandma, where were YOU when Lindsay Lohan laid waste to Elizabeth Taylor’s memory?” And you may be able to look at little Kumquat or Xerxes and say, “Honey, I was passed out on the sofa.” Because reviews suggested that Liz & Dick would make a good drinking game, and who are we to ignore a gauntlet like that?
In all seriousness, though: We know Fug Nation needs to drown its collective sorrows about Larry Hagman’s passing, but we can’t recommend that you actually attempt to DO this game, much less do it in its entirety, for fear of major liver distress and/or some serious incapacitation (and obviously, if you do booze it up, be 21 and do not drive and stop before you puke yourself inside-out, etc). We need you alive, Fug Nation, so we strongly advise you switch to Diet Coke at the second commercial break. As you watch, though, feel free to add your own rules in the comments, and don’t forget: We will be live-tweeting the movie — we are @fuggirls — starting at 9 p.m. Eastern time tonight (Sunday), and a proper Fug the Fromage will follow. Basically, it’s going to be a real Liz&Dickapalooza.
Cheers!
BEHOLD THE RULES:
Drink whenever:
- Liz and/or Dick drink — but not as much as they do. My god. Get a hold of yourself.
- Linds-as-Liz says something meta re: celebrity/the press/the paparazzi.
- Poor Grant Bowler is forced to quote Shakespeare, Donne, or anyone else you’d have read in English 101, because RICHARD BURTON IS OF THE STAGE!!!!
- Someone wears a sheet or a towel instead of proper clothing.
- Lilo’s eye makeup is more compelling than her acting.
- You spy a bar cart in the shot (this movie has a LOT of bar carts in it — like, a lot — in part because there is no better way to indicate that your protagonists are alcoholics).
- You think, “Wait, what YEAR is this supposed to be?”
- You think, “Wait, who is THAT person supposed to be?”
- Someone throws something at a wall.
- Someone throws something at someone else’s head and hits the wall instead.
- Someone collapses and/or awkwardly drops dead.
- Jewelry is purchased.
- There is discussion of how fat/old Liz&Dick are supposed to be, despite the fact that Lilo&Bowler are wearing neither age makeup nor fat suits.
- You think, in spite of yourself, “That outfit is actually REALLY cute.”
- You think, “Lindsay should actually wear [X] more often in real life.”
- Lindsay seems to briefly attempt an accent, and then abandons it.
- You accidentally think, “Huh, that was a good line.”
- Any actor appears to have a moment of clarity, wondering what the hell he/she is actually doing working in this trainwreck.
- You find yourself using the set to window-shop.
- You find yourself mentally recasting the movie with someone more age-appropriate than Lilo.
- You find yourself mentally recasting the movie with someone not at all age-appropriate, but more talented than Lilo.
- Drink again if at any point you find yourself accidentally drinking at the same time as anyone else on the screen.
- Someone — okay, Lindsay — appears in a caftan.
- Someone — okay, Bowler — is forced to wear a man-fur.
- Lilo wears a head scarf.
- Lilo wears a turban.
- The turban is fur? CHUG.
- Two months from now, go on a bender if Lifetime works its Client List juju and Lohan gets nominated for a Golden Globe (if Lifetime further works its Client List juju and gives Lohan a Liz & Dick series, we might as well all just give up).
Comments (43):
I was just just telling my friend that we should create a drinking game for tonight! Thank you fug girls!
I have never been sadder about giving up cable. I will hang on your every tweet and live for the moment the fug-cap is up!
DVR is ready, and shit’s about to get real.
I have alcohol poisoning from this game already.
(Seriously. I’ve already called Valley Hospital and told them to pick me up around 10:30 tonight.)
Oh, honey, you’ll be dead by 10:30. Better have them show up no later than 9:30.
Poor Grant Bowler. He has done so many great things (host of The Amazing Race Australia! Woo!) but I suspect making me an alcoholic was not the direction he expected his CV to go.
I’m watching The Amazing Race USA right now! I like this Grant dude already!
I’m so torn. I’m a NYC girl/Giants fan living in Wisconsin – and my husband has become a Packers fan. Do I watch the evening game or Liz & Dick?
Definitely the game. While that plays only once, Liz & Dick will be playing ALL NIGHT LONG.
I would watch the Twitter feed, though.
HELLO WISCONSIN! (I miss That’s 70s Show & boyfriend is a Wisconsinite) You can watch “Liz & Dick” later at 11 or 12pm & tomorrow at 8 or 9pm!
hey Sajorina… we’re called “‘Sconnies”. Just saying. (-:
I didn’t know that, BrownEyedBetty, but I like it! I’m going to call my boyfriend “Sconny” from now on!
I like being called a Cheesehead; born and lived in Milwaukee for a quite a few years!
Wouldn’t #20 & 21 pretty much require an alcohol IV? And shouldn’t we have all hooked ourselves up to it as soon as we heard that this train wreck was actually a thing and not just an ugly, alcohol-fueled rumor?
Thank you! I was going to DVR it, but you guys got me in the spirit. I need a laugh. Now where is my wine…
Re: #20 It isn’t that LiLo at 26 is THAT MUCH younger than Elizabeth Taylor was when she first met Richard Burton (28 when they first began filming Cleopatra), it’s that by that time, Elizabeth Taylor had already been nominated four times for an Academy Award and had already won. Lilo has lived a whole lot of life, but unfortunately, she doesn’t have nearly as much to show for it as Liz did at a comparable age.
I’m naming my child Xerxes Kumquat. This settles it.
I can’t have alcohol (on medication) or caffeine (insomniac), so orange juice it is… Let’s drink! If I get an overdose of Vitamin C, you’re getting the hospital bill, FugGirls!
Holy crap balls. 15 minutes in. If I was playing this game I would be dead. #1 is enough to get anyone drunk.
God, 22 minutes in and half of my glass of juice is already gone… I’m doing a lot of window shopping at the sets and Lindsay should wear more of everything I’ve seen her in more often!
For those who don’t drink, I recommend a piece of chocolate or a cookie instead of a drink.
My mom just asked me “What is Lindsay Lohan doing playing Cleopatra?” I didn’t have the heart to tell her the truth!
The first fifteen minutes felt like “Previously, on Liz and Dick”
Every time I see this movie’s name I somehow read it aloud in my head as “Lick and Diz”…I can only imagine what I’d be calling it by the end of this game
because of this drinking game is am SLOSHED. TOO MANY TURBANS.
Orange juice is already gone! Apple juice: “It’s ON!”
The minute the movie ended, my mom turned to me and said, “Well, that was lightweight. What Elizabeth Taylor movies do we own?”
#29 could be, drink whenever Creed from The Office is onscreen. Because apparently he’s in this “movie” — ???
He was in just 1 scene!
PS RIP, Larry Hagman.
I hurt! Make it stop!
There was yet another caftan but my glass was empty, so I flung it at the wall and was curt with the pool boy. Am I still in?
You win!
You forgot …
29. Someone storms out of a room
This happened about a dozen times.
OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD I CAN’T WAIT UNTIL THE FUG THE FROMAGE! I didn’t even watch this monstrosity – I want my first exposure to be through the awesomely jaded catty eyes of my beloved Fug Girls!! *squeeeeeeaaaaallllll* SO excited! *Happy Dance*
Also…I think the joke is really on us. Because LifeTime must’ve made a KILLING off this horrible horrible movie – the amount of media about it, despite the suckitude, is incredible.
As the saying goes, there’s no such thing as bad publicity. LifeTime probably did make a fortune and good for them. All in all, I think everybody emerged a winner. GFY has plenty of content to blog about (Liz & Dick will almost certainly be a gift that keeps on giving), LifeTime cleaned up on ratings, LiLo got her name and picture everywhere in relation to acting instead of rehab/court date/personal drama, a bunch of actors got a paycheck, and we got a spectacle that will spawn jokes forever in infamy.
I gave up after 15 minutes. Elizabeth Taylor deserves better. She at least deserves as good as Michelle Williams doing Marilyn (whether you liked the impression or not, at least Williams put work and thought into it). Elizabeth Taylor had humor! Elizabeth Taylor put her hand down Montgomery Cliff’s throat to keep him from choking after his car accident. She worked with all the top actors of her generation (and before her generation). She hung out with Michael Jackson! My goodness, the fun gossip alone! This was horrible. The screenwriters should be ashamed.
Great party, everyone! Cheers!
…but, umm,…(pointing to the turd in the punchbowl), did anyone notice the cadaverous hands and greyish/yellow fingernails on the brief mani close-up when “Liz” fondled her new diamond ring? My enjoyment soured upon that unexpected harsh sight. Was there no budget for Lee Press-On nails?
Lindsay threw herself into this role, and by that I mean she hurtled herself into each scene with all the grace of a bowling ball dropped from a drunk’s hands, hellbound for the gutter.
Such stompy carriage was a laughable disgrace to Elizabeth’s memory. Didn’t Taylor object to being called “Liz”? Always “Elizabeth.”
I have a Lifetime hangover today.
I tried to watch, Fuggirls. I really did. I tuned it about half-way through, and I only lasted for 10 minutes. It was just too painful.
Gawker made comments on the outfits–but with not nearly the amount of acerbic wit with which we in Fug Nation appreciate from our fearless leaders.
http://jezebel.com/5963230/lindsay-lohans-costumes-from-liz–dick-the-good-bad-and-the-very-ugly/gallery/1?utm_source=gawker.com&utm_medium=recirculation&utm_campaign=recirculation
My kids want to know what’s so funny, I was howling with laughter about the fur turban? CHUG. and other goodies. thanks, as always, GFY ladies. love ya!
Dash! I totally would’ve used this (and watched the movie) if I had seen the game last Sunday…I’ll just have to wait until Lifetime decides to show an all-day Liz & Dick marathon.