“… and so this one chicken in my coop doesn’t trust me, right, and she won’t LISTEN to me and she just GLARES at me and it’s so IMPUDENT and I really think sometimes she’s plotting to kill me, okay, so I was RIGHT in the middle of sitting on her to show her who’s boss — do you KNOW how long it takes to force a chicken under your buttocks and get it to understand you mean business? — and my agent called and was like, ‘Frances, you’re supposed to be at the Tonys,’ and I was like, ‘But Colonel Ann Landers is JUST about to learn the lesson of her lifetime,’ and he was like, ‘Get there, I don’t care if you have chicken feed in your hair,’ so I was like, ‘Fine, dude, but if she’s still giving me this kind of attitude tomorrow I am going to make you rub bruise cream on my derriere YOURSELF.”
Comments (60):
Brilliant! I knew this would show up!
When I saw her sitting in the audience, and just saw her jean jacket, I had the horrible thought that the rest of her outfit was as casual too. When she got up, I was relieved to see she was AT LEAST wearing SOME kind of dress.
I’ve actually been looking for a similar dress for summer. Except I would wear it to outdoor markets and the beach; not the Tony Awards.
The dress looks like it could be nice on her, just with a different jacket, hair and makeup. Even a cropped black jacket would be a massive improvement over that jean jacket. I mean, I wouldn’t wear that to casual Friday at the office!
oh frances…if you were wearing this while walking your dog in central park it would probably work…but why, since you’re lucky enough to have received one of the 3000 tickets, do you do this to all of us?!?
Heather, this is your best yet. Better than the JLo and Lagerfeld. Just perfect. Thanks for making me laugh so hard!
“…she just GLARES at me and it’s just so IMPUDENT…” .
That will play in my head all day. And I will smile. Thank you.
When she came on stage in this last night, my first thought was “JEAN JACKET?! ::headexplode::”. My second thought was “The Fug Girls are going to have a field day with this”.
So, so funny.
That outfit is totally cute for almost any occasion that’s not an awards ceremony.
The hair is not suitable for ANY occasion though.
I saw this and knew you ladies would have a comment. However, I think it’s a cute outfit, and I kind of adore how she doesn’t give an eff. But that could just be my lady-crush speaking.
Is it wrong that I was hoping she’d win JUST so I could cackle at the rest of her outfit? I knew from the meth addict hair and 90s jean jacket that it would be magnificent. And it was and you agreed and Fug Girls, you have made my day.
Bruise cream. and chickens. Lawd have mercy.
I think the dress COULD be cute, hard to tell under that horrible jean jacket. Her hair on the other hand is frightening…..
And I’d like to thank you ladies AGAIN for making my cubemates think I’m crazy with all of the snorting and coughing going on here
I am willing to bet she has every copy of her local newspaper carefully organised in her basement. And that she glares at the paperboy from behind the net curtains of her top floor window.
She stayed on character, it seems. It was almost as if she had forgotten about the Tonys and grabbed the first thing she had in the closet.
This literally took my breath away. The epitome of “I’m such a good actress that nobody really cares what I’m wearing.” Yeah, right.
Love Frances, but she looked like she was in the middle of an aerobics class at Crunch Fitness, suddenly remembered she had to be at the Tonys, and raced out of there. Without showering. Not to mention how weirdly she raced through her speech and then booked it offstage, like she had to meet her dealer or something. WTF was that?
When I glance at your picture and think it’s Iggy Pop, that’s a problem, Frances.
I agree with Carrie H.
I don’t care. She’s THAT good!
http://inherentstylela.blogspot.com/
I agree with Carrie H and Lupe: I just love the way she doesn’t care about these award ceremonies. She’s a superlative actress and that’s all that matters. Yeah, maybe combed hair would’ve been nice, but she was awarded for her talent–not for the way she cleans up at an award ceremony.
That’s not to say that Fug Girls aren’t awesome, though!
At least she is wearing a long dress.
Is there actually such a thing as bruise cream?
Doesn’t she own a full length mirror? Or a bottle of shampoo?? Or a tube of lipstick???
She kind of reminds me of her “Friends with Money” character.
I say if you don’t care, then don’t show up. But if you come to the theater community’s biggest event of the year, at least take off the Gap jacket, comb your hair and put on some lip gloss. GOD, Frances.
I’ve been told she was wearing it as a sort of tribute to her character, but if that’s true, I’m not sure it’s not way pretentious.
You have outdone yourself with this one. Kudos and thanks a millions for the laughs!
Looks as if she was on a tampon run and suddenly remembered she had this “thing” last night at which she had to make an appearance. If it IS a tribute to her character, that’s a bit too self-referential (I agree, LindaD).
@Amanda re bruise Cream — yes, there are things marketed for bruises, usually in the alternative health or homeopathy aisles at places like Whole Foods. Because I’m a champion bruiser, I’ve tried some. They usually smell nice. Maybe they help with the bruises some. I dunno.
Talent is great, and theatre is a bit less looks driven (compared to Hollywood) but this doesn’t strike me so much as “don’t give an F**k” as “Omigawd, I’m supposed to be WHERE at 7 tonight?”
Not a cookout.
Not the Independent Spirit Awards.
It’s THE TONY AWARDS, Frances. Come on. Bring a little game.
My husband once told me that he thought she was attractive.
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
HI-freaking-LARIOUS!!!! Colonel Ann Landers sent me over the edge!!!
She is SO cool!! Ja?
I think she’s trying to keep up the reputation of stage actresses being whack-a-dingdong. Her speech, like many, was inspiring, and the dress might have been OK with, as noted above, a nice black cropped jacket. Her hair and makeup could also use some help.
She could have at least combed her hair.
I didn’t see the awards show, so when I read in the paper today that she had won, I was so happy! I’ve been a fan of hers since Fargo. After seeing this, though, I’m sad.
I love theater people. *fond*
She wore this at Cannes a few years ago (sans jacket): http://www.imdb.com/media/rm1909625856/nm0000531
It’s like she started to get ready for event and lost her will once the dress was on.
Sorry, not Cannes. Somewhere vaguely European-looking.
Great, so you are so over/above these awards, Frances. We get it. Just stay home next time and auction off your seats for some theatre-appropriate charity. Sheesh!
she looks like Dharma’s mother
She’s Frances McDormand. She can get away with it.
GREAT actress, but c’mon. I don’t know what she was going for, but it didn’t work. I don’t expect her to let designers court her to wear their dresses, but she should have pulled it together for the biggest night of this COMMUNITY she loves so much. And IF it was a nod to her character, well, that’s just crazy. You didn’t see Christine Ebersole show up as Little Edie (okay, THAT would have been awesome) or Patti Lupone as Evita. Wait. That would have been kinda crazy/awesome too. Hmmm…maybe Frances was on to something here.
And I am going to call every chicken I see from now on “Colonel Ann Landers”.
Whoa! All I can say is that maybe there is some hope for us mere mortals. I mean I know she’s not a classic beauty, but she can scrub up pretty good. She looks like any of the harried mothers dropping their kids off at school before heading home to finally have a shower and get dressed because everyone else used all the hot water and you have to wait another hour before there’s anything remotely warm for you (not that I have personal experience with this).
I got the feeling that she’d run straight from a matinee to the Beacon. Do they do matinees on Tonys day? She’s REALLY into her craft. But she did seem a little “intense” didn’t she? I thought I noticed some shaking/shivering as she toddled off after her speech. I hope she’s OK.
i honestly lol’ed. brilliant assessment and dialogue.
That woman is such a MESS! When has she ever looked good? Nevermind, I’m not in the mood to get a headache just trying to come up with an answer to my own question!
By the way, I don’t trust some of my chickens either and I KNOW that my rooster is out to get me! *not kidding*
No matter how good an actress Frances McDormand is –and she is very good — this is just flat-out inappropriate. You don’t have to wear the most elaborate gown or expensive jewels, but when you are at a nationally televised ceremony for the highest honor the American theater has to offer, DRESS ACCORDINGLY. It demonstrates respect for your fellow nominees and for the Tonys. This outfit does not convey “I’m a super-serious actress” or “I’m above the superficiality of dressing up” or whatever else she’s trying to convey — it just screams “I’m sooooo much better than and above you all!”
Actually, if this was supposed to be a “tribute” to her character, it was very appropriate, now that I think about it. The play she was nominated for, and her character in it, were pretentious and annoying to the extreme, much like her outfit here. To borrow from The Princess Bride, “I do not think those clothes mean what you think they mean.”
WWST? What was she thinking? WTFWST?
@Laura – TOTALLY!!!
@Megan – thank you! That was for Burn After Reading.
Sigh.
Love.
I love her, and am incredibly jealous of anyone who loves her job as much as she does. That said, I did wonder why a jean jacket was in the mix. And totally knew you two would nail it.
thank you.
I don’t know what to say, I can’t tell if this was done on purpose because she doesn’t care or by accident because she doesn’t know how to dress.
I guess it is the hair, no matter how you want to dress it should not be with cat-lady hair.
BEST. MADE-UP. BACKSTORY. EVER.
ok this is right up there with brad the used car salesman as funniest posts of all time
I really covet this dress for myself. That being said, as soon as I saw her on the Tony’s Sunday, I was SO HOPING you girls would fug her. The unwashed hair…the denim jacket…wtf?
Agreed with Cari H.
I think this was a giant fuck you to the fact that female actresses are expected to be pretty, not talented, and that she does a job that is muscular, demanding and real. All hail…
Two days late but that was screamingly funny to read. Thank you!
Ditto to what belvo said, except that I am three days late! How does your brain come up with these Heather? Hilarious! And thank you!
Screamingly funny indeed. I am crying as I type this.